I don’t know where to start. I’ve been in a roller coaster of emotions since the day she was born — pain, excitement, frustration, joy, anxiety, ecstasy. The formula of this mixture is something that only moms know about.
Our baby just turned a month old. I’m grateful for the pain of c-section recovery, for the tiring and sleepless nights, and for the discomfort of our first few breastfeeding sessions. I’m thankful for the smell of pee and poo and milky spit, for punches and kicks made by tiny fists and feet, and for the backache caused by hours of dancing around with a baby in your arms. I’m happy because without these, it would mean I haven’t been blessed with the gift of motherhood.
I’ve always wondered how it feels to have a baby peacefully sleep in your arms as you hum a lullabye, and how you’d feel when your baby looks into your eyes as you nurse her. I’ve imagined many times before how tight a baby’s grip on your finger could be, when she gets a painful vaccine and it’s only you who could make the pain go away. The thought of sleeping beside her always puts a smile on my face, just like when she stops crying as you carefully place her in a basin of warm water at bathtime. I used to think how all these would feel, but now I’m truly blessed because I know.